Pet loss is one of my least favorite things to write about – probably because we’ve had so much of it lately. My own pack has decreased in number from 3 to 1 in only a few weeks.
Many of you know that we recently lost both Roscoe and Tristan. Roscoe succumbed suddenly and unexpectedly to Bloat . He passed away with Cheiss and Kyra, the Cog, at his side.
No one likes to think about death. No one wants to consider what happens when we wake up to a beloved pet that has passed on in his or her sleep. Yet, when it happens, you will realize how important pre-planning is, and by then – it’s usually too late.
A pet’s death is something that many people feel as deeply, and sometimes more deeply (according to this recent study) than the death of a person. There are theories about why – some of them include the fact that while we can tell an animal anything, many people continue to keep secrets from others. No matter the reasons, it’s an event that none of us ever want to think about.
[heading style=”1″ color=”#006666″ style_color=”#006666″]Why You Should Plan For This[/heading]When Roscoe died, it was 3 am. Sam discovered him upon waking and since my husband had to be at work within the hour and I hadn’t even woken up yet, a quick decision had to made. I’ll admit – I was tired, not thinking straight, and despite being considered a “pet expert,” I really didn’t know what to do or who to call at that hour.
As nearly all of my friends and clients operate on the normal 9am–5pm banking hour, I wasn’t sure who to call. And with one vehicle at the shop, I had to make a decision on what to do with Roscoe’s body right then.
Had I made prior arrangements and spent even an hour of my life planning for what is an inevitability, Mary Rauchwarter – Director of Fairwinds Forever Pet Loss & Memorial Services – would have driven down to pick Roscoe up (or I could have met her at her facility). Roscoe would have been placed on a soft bed in a special, individual cooler. Then when Mary arrived back at her office during regular business hours, she would have gently bathed and brushed him. She would have clipped his long nails that he would never tolerate me clipping in life, and she would talk to him just as I would. After this amazing care, he would be placed back into the refrigerator until I had a day or two to process the death and determine if I wanted him buried, cremated or a viewing scheduled.
What happened instead was that we wrapped Roscoe in several large plastic bags and took him to our vet’s office and left his body with a technician who came in early after my panicked phone call. I spent over $100 on his cremation (I hope), which was done with several other animals, and I didn’t even get his ashes back.
It felt cruel. Disrespectful.
And worse, I should have known better than to not be prepared…
[heading style=”1″ color=”#006666″ style_color=”#006666″]Planning To Say Goodbye[/heading]
Tristan was a different story as he had to be euthanized at the vet’s office after his back legs collapsed and his organs began suddenly failing. He was 17 yrs old, which is pretty good for an 85-lb hybrid, but my heart was still broken.
Since Tristan’s death occurred a few weeks later, I had more time to process the event. The veterinarian was able to hold on to his body for a few days and while it was still very sudden, I was given the opportunity to actually make some arrangements. These arrangements consisted of a single phone call to Fairwinds Forever. It’s a call I wish I had made for Roscoe.
What should have happened for Roscoe, did happen for Tristan. The cost was only slightly more than it would have been for Roscoe, although Mary did so much ‘extra” stuff, I am not sure what the final should have been. That’s just the way she is – gracious, kind and loving. Exactly the type of person you want around you during a time like this.
Mary retrieved Tristan’s body from the vet, gave him the first bath he’s had in years (he hated being groomed, bathed or even touched at times). She brushed out his long undercoat. She clipped his long nails. She prepared the body with the same care that I would expect in a human, and called me several days later.
[heading style=”1″ color=”#006666″ style_color=”#006666″]Funeral For A Friend[/heading]
“Would you like to see him?” Mary asked.
I shook my head. “No, I don’t think that would be a great idea.”
In her standard comforting way, she smiled. “Yes, I think you should. You didn’t have a great farewell and you need closure.”
And while I was still not totally convinced, I agreed to come by and look at him. Having a private viewing seemed extreme, and I wasn’t sure how I would react to seeing him again. After all, I had only recently stopped crying whenever his name is mentioned. But, like the trooper I am, I went down to say a final farewell to my beloved dog.
When I entered the office, I was greeted by a smiling Mary and a hug. Beautiful urns, handmade jewelry, and creative works of art lined the walls. It took me aback and all I could think about was how amazing it is that we have these opportunities to memorialize our pets. After some exploration, Mary ran me through the number of possibilities for preserving a piece of Tristan. A teaspoon of ash could be transformed into a beautiful amulet, a picture frame could hold his portrait for eternity, a cedar urn could become a hand-carved work of art. It was all a little overwhelming.
My goal was to decide upon an urn to keep Tristan’s cremains and as the choices were all so overwhelming, Mary assisted. Her choice? A beautiful hand-carved wooden urn – it’s complex design perfectly memorializing Tristan’s unyielding, yet charming personality. As we moved along the wall, I realized I had never taken a print of his enormous coyote-paws. Mary told me it wasn’t a problem and offered to do a nose print as well.
You see, Mary is the type of person who is so compassionate, so empathetic, that she knows what you need before you know it at all. (I later learned that she had preserved clippings of his hair for me, tied neatly together with a silk ribbon and placed into a small organza bag for me to place with his remains.)
As we chatted, I continued to glance back at the door leading into the room that I somehow sensed held Tristan. Finally, she said I should go take a look.
When I entered the room, it wasn’t like anything I was at all prepared for. There on a soft silk pillow lay my beautiful pup. He looked just as he had in life when he slept peacefully in my office or at the foot of my bed. He was immaculately groomed, soft to the touch, and in all ways was my beloved Tristan.
A soft blanket covered him, his fur as silky as the pillow he rested his head on. He wore a little blue ribbon around his neck, complete with a small ceramic heart and a silver ID charm. The charm stays with the body throughout the journey through Fairwinds to ensure there is no chance of mistaken identity with his cremains. The ceramic heart is one-half of a set – Mary handed me the other half.
“This is your half of the heart.” She tells me. “So you’ll know he’s always with you.”
And then she slips from the room, giving us some privacy and plenty of time to say goodbye under less-stressful circumstances.
Had I not done the viewing, my last memory of Tristan would have been at the vet’s office when I authorized a massive overdose of anesthesia to put him to sleep. It’s not how I would choose to remember my boy.
Instead, my memory is of a dog who lived a full life and made it to a late twilight.
After our farewell, we departed the facility with heartfelt thanks. The closure was exactly what I needed and made my journey to an empty home a little easier to bear.
A few days after the funeral, his cremains were ready. The day I picked up the cremains of my best friend was a defining moment in my life. It was a day of sadness because I had lost my best friend. Yet, I had feeling of satisfaction and pride that I was able to let go of him before he lost his dignity.
Tristan had always been a proud dog. He wanted to protect me, to spend time with me; he loved his family, he loved his pack. When the day came that he couldn’t stand of his own volition, we had known it was time. It wasn’t his spirit that gave out, it was his body. I was extremely lucky – Tristan lived 17 years and at 85 lbs, that’s quite an accomplishment.
While making the decision to euthanize was one of the most difficult decisions I’ve made in life, I’m proud of myself for doing it. And I know Tristan is up at the Rainbow Bridge with the many other animals I’ve lost – Malachi, Aquilla, my cats – Napoleon, Baby, Grey Ghost, Cochise, and all of the others. Even Podo, my ferret and my three little bunnies. One of these days, I’m sure to join them – but not yet.
It makes you think about death. And I’ve pretty well decided that when I die, I’m going to have my ashes mixed with those of my pets, turned into a mold, and dropped to the bottom of the Caribbean to become a reef. I’ve never been a fan of worms and decay, so this seems like a good solution. This way, my husband will get a great vacation in the Bahamas – but hopefully we’ll go together long before then.
I’ve always had my pets cremated. Their ashes are in small little urns in my living room. That’s why it’s very important to me that the cremation is done correctly. Fairwinds Forever exceeded my wildest expectations…
The entire process, from picking Tristan up at the vet’s office to the final delivery of his cremains, was neatly documented on a page of notes. Everyone who signed the document, took responsibility for their parts in the proceedings. A small ID tag was fastened around Tristan’s neck and it remained there throughout the preparation, the viewing, the transfers and finally – with his remains. There is no possibility of a mix up or receiving the wrong remains.
When I arrived to bring his remains home, Mary handed me a bag of items. In it was the entire record of the transfers, the hand-carved urn with his ashes, two small organza bags that contained long locks of his luxurious coat, a plaster casting of his nose and paw-prints.
In addition, Mary handed me a standalone frame and on one side, Tristan’s picture in happier years has found it’s home. On the other, the plaster paw print she so carefully made an impression of and placed in the frame.
Never have I felt so secure in the death of an animal. And it was all made possible by Mary of Fairwinds Forever.
The cost is barely more than what I would have paid to have Tristan’s body cremated through the vet’s office.
The vet quoted me $185 to have my dog’s body cremated and returned in a group cremation. The cost at Fairwinds was $225 without all the extras. The “extras’ included: retrieval was $75, the paw print with frame $45 and the urn $36, and the visitation with grooming was $215 so the cost for everything was $ 596, but the cremation. The long process we selected was more expensive, of course it was, but not by much. And the peace of mind it brought to me was worth ten times the amount.
Had I chosen to just receive the ceramic heart and hair clipping, the total cost would have been $225.
In the case of Roscoe, I paid over $120 (he was smaller than Tristan at only 55 lbs) to never see my dog again and have no memory of him. Why did I do it? Grief. I wasn’t thinking straight because I was overcome with grief and a lack of sleep.
Our animals deserve our best – in life and in death. What other member of your family so completely devotes themselves to you? Who else can show the type of unconditional love you will find from your pet? And why wouldn’t you give them the absolute best? You spent the time and money in life. Why not treat them with the same respect in death.
Call Fairwinds Forever. Begin the pre-planning stage of your family pet. I can promise you won’t regret it. If money is an issue, talk to them – they will work with you to provide your pet a dignified service – one that you will need more than your pet.